2011, a gift

The looking glass, so shiny and new

How quickly the glamour fades

I start spinning, slipping out of time

Was that the wrong pill to take?

You made a deal, and now it seems you have to offer up

But will it ever be enough?

It's not enough

Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl

Frozen in the headlights

It seems I've made the final sacrifice

We raise it up, this offering

We raise it up

This is a gift, it comes with a price

Who is the lamb and who is the knife?

Midas is king and he holds me so tight

And turns me to gold in the sunlight

I look around, but I can't find you

If only I could see your face

Instead of rushing towards the skyline

I wish that I could just be brave

I must become a lion hearted girl

Ready for a fight

Before I make the final sacrifice

We raise it up, this offering

We raise it up

This is a gift, it comes with a price

Who is the lamb and who is the knife?

Midas is king and he holds me so tight

And turns me to gold in the sunlight

Raise it up, raise it up

Raise it up, raise it up

And in the spring I shed my skin

And it blows away with the changing wind

The waters turn from blue to red

As towards the sky I offer it

This is a gift, it comes with a price

Who is the lamb and who is the knife?

Midas is king and he holds me so tight

And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift

it's voting time

i am determined to take a trip at the end of the summer. you never realize how long a year of work is until you don't have "vacations" to break things up.
if i don't have something to look forward to, i will burn out.

SO

choice 1: paris, and then possibly on to luxembourg



















+ One of my good friends is the Colombian Cultural embassador to France, and she just had a baby, so I want to visit her...plus, embassador status means perks!
+ Tons of culture, history, and sights to be seen
+ Old roommate is attending university in Luxembourg...meaning good opportunity to see the place, because otherwise i'd never think to go there
-The Euro is a bitch
-It will be chilly



choice 2: sydney and new zealand

















+ great weather, beach, tons of activities
+ english
+ WINE WINE WINE...best vineyards in the world.
- sadly wine is not near sydney, so i'd have to travel extensively throughout the country to see what i want to see (i mean taste what i want to taste)
- i have very weak-to-no connections there


i think i'm leaning toward gay ole paris, but we'll see. i'm starting to get excited though! this shall be my 23rd bday present to myself. along with a new bag and a new phone. time to live a little.

thursday, la madrugada

I'm so hard for a rich girl
My heels are high, my eyes cast low
And I don't know how to love
I get too tired after mid-day, lately

I take it out on my good friends
But the worst stays in
Or where would I begin?

My office glows all night long
It's a nuclear show and the stars are gone
Elevator, elevator
Take me home.

sneaky

i feel so delightfully sneaky. i'm sitting at home, in my pajamas, at 3 pm.

i don't have the day off.
i'm not sick
i just...didn't go.

i don't feel bad at all, mainly because i had absolutely no work to do today anyways. somehow, the stars aligned on this one day, and i have no meetings, nothing due, nada. at most, i could be doing expense reports and time entry. so rather than sit bored at my desk all day, pretending to do work, i decided to just not go.

granted i let people know i wasn't coming. this morning, when i woke up at 9 am, i told my project team and the admins...i obviously had to lie, and i said i had food poisoning from mexican food i had for dinner last night.

ah, last night. it was bizarre. i drove home around 7 with the noble plan of going for a jog, doing laundry, and then passing out. instead, my ass found its way to the sofa (our sofa is too damn comfy) and i passed out...at 7 pm. next thing i know, i woke up at 1:30 am. i had missed calls from friends i was supposed to meet up with, i hadn't gotten anything done...and it was then that i realized, what the hell, i'm just not going to go tomorrow.

yesterday i was pretty depressed for some reason, but today, the sun is shining in through the balcony and it's absolutely beautiful outside. i don't regret this at all. i've gotten shit done too: i cleaned my apt, did laundry, cooked a very healthy lunch for myself, and watched some quality r&BB. as soon as my laundry's out of the dryer, i'll go for a jog, shower, and be able to hang out with friends as if i just got off work.

i'm so thrilled with myself right now, i'm grinning. taking one single, bland wednesday off for no planned reason has made me feel 100x better than i did yesterday...ridiculous. i recommend it to all who have the balls...just do it.

you can't make this shit up.

Facebook: Hey, you have one new friend request!
Me: I'm at work, I'll check it later.
Facebook: But he sent you a message.
Me: Fine. I'm sure you'll cover me when I get fired for billing my clients $200/hr while I peruse facebook profiles.

Facebook Msg: Hey!
between You and Mack

Hello,Well, i was just surfing through the site cos I'm new here. Suddenly, I got a glimpse at your profile....what I saw was a damsel. Anyway, i here to meet someone that is ready for long last relationship and decided to say Hi. How are you doing? guess you doing great thou, I would really love to know you better, if you give the opportunity to. Serious in my search for a soulmate. I am NOT looking for multiple girlfriends for fun. I am seeking my one and only soulmate. I am focused on maintaining an extremely healthy body, mind, and spirit. I am very happy with my life. I lead an active life full of interesting adventures. I have many interests. I am looking for a family oriented lady, with high values and principles, I want a lady who is not greedy and is sweet and with good sense of humor, willing to be with me in the good and the bad times, femenine, caring, atractive and fit. Somebody who wants to be happy and wants to love and be love. Too numerous to mention them all in a box. Nice smile you got.
Hope hearing from you soon.

* * *
a few hours later...
Facebook: Hey, you have another friend request!
Me: Jesus, who is it this time?
Facebook: Meet Bony!
Me: Are you fucking kidding me.
Facebook: Guess what Bony's doing?
Me: eating shit
Facebook: Bony is dreaming to US..A.
Me: ...fabulous.

what's up, doc?

so today i had the dreaded "woman's doctor" appt.
you know, the one where you get to feel all cold and squeamish and horribly awkward as you discuss your sex life and health with a random phsyician's assistant...who is probably younger than you and getting some a lot more often.

it's been over a year since i've seen the doctor, and clearly i was not working when i went last. it was insane how many of the components of my work i saw in this one visit.
i guess only my coworkers will understand this post...but my marketing brain when haywire. i saw so many opportunities and leverage points along the treatment process i nearly went berserk.

i observed how i signed in, how long i waited, what was available for me to read, what pamphlets were on the counter. i noted what kind of healthcare staff took my vitals, my history, and answered my questions. i saw a rep for a competitor product to the one i'm currently working on walk in the door. i saw how she dressed, what she carried, how she interacted with the doctor. i counted the time i waited, cold and naked in the room, for the doctor to show up. i examined all the medical tools and supplies, and mused how i would recognize them anywhere, considering they were all manufactured by one of my previous clients. and how the wholesaler that supplies this particular clinic was also once a client.

there were some moments i felt like piping up, and saying hey! i know this. i know your world. i know how this works, so be real with me. at one point, after being relatively quiet i told them to run a fasting lipid panel, Hematocrit and Hgb, and calculate my Gfr. they looked at me in utter confusion. "are you in med school or something?" they said. in the end i didn't even get the labwork that i wanted becuase the doctor was a little iffy on the insurance situation. ah reimbursement-my favorite part of the treatment process.

anyways it was beyond weird to be on the consumer side of things for a change, and to see how what i do on daily basis actually affects the way thing are run. that is all.

why now?

forreal?

Dear Alaska Airlines and Horizon Air Traveler,

You may have heard that we will be discontinuing service on our Orange County-Oakland route. Our last flight will be on April 26, 2008.

These kinds of decisions are very hard to make and they become even harder knowing we have loyal customers like you who have flown with us often in these markets in the past. However, with oil nearing record highs and the fact that this particular market has financially under-performed, we were pushed to reallocate this aircraft to other routes that will be stronger performers.

Although we are leaving this market, you can continue to earn Alaska miles and MVP/MVP Gold status qualification when you fly with our partner, American Airlines. American offers nonstop service between Orange County and both San Jose and San Francisco.

With that in mind, we truly wish to thank you for your business; it really does mean a lot to us. We hope you will continue to fly with us on this route before April 26, 2008. After that, we hope that Alaska Airlines and Horizon Air can still be part of your travel plans when you head to any of our 92 other destinations.

Sincerely,
Alaska Airlines

* * * * * * * * * *

I think I was the sole source of revenue for that route.
I rode that thing good, for 4 years straight.
End of an era, man.

i adore him.

Matt Damon does Matthew McConaughey

in places you didn't know you had inside you

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.
And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

-Iris, The Holiday

i'm on my way

chicago my love, i can't wait to meet you in a blanket of white.






















*i'm anxious. but good anxious, the kind that puts those damn butterflies in the tummy. i absolutely fell in love with chicago in the summer, and i told myself that if i can handle the winter weather on this trip, nothing will stop me from moving there. this is it!

though yesterday it came to my attention that my company will soon open a downtown SF office. this is kind of huge news, and could change my plans. we shall see.

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

2007 in 12:

1. i mourned the loss of my best pal, bailey

2. visited the motherland

3. i got alcohol poisoning in tahoe. i also had the time of my life.

4. fuck valentines day

5. my mama got really, really sick.

6. i lead a team of 30 to, uhh, non-victory...but i did the leading. and i learned a lot.

7. psychology b.a., business administration, b.s. <--i earned 'em.

8. i turned 22.

9. summer travel [napa, hawaii, seattle, tennessee, chicago]

10. i moved to los angeles and joined the working world

11. i bought my first car. on my own!

12. first holiday partay, haha



my pal h_balls says, "2008 is going to a be a good year, i can feel it."

i hope he's on to something.

lemme lemme upgrade you

hey direct tv, way to mesmerize and confuse folks at the same time!




every time this promo ad comes on while i'm watching tv with other people, it is inevitable that one or more people in the group will comment on it:

"wow, she can really move"
"is she really talking while she's doing this?"
"why would a big star like beyonce be a spokesperson for direct tv?"
"do you think the talking part is computer-animated?"
"damn she looks good"
"woah there, GOLDmember"
"what was that ad even about?"

i don't even know where i'm going with this.
it's late. so late that Showtime at the Apollo (wtf is this show about anyway?) is on.

all i know is people from all walks of life are drawn to this ad and baffled by it. i wonder if it's serving its purpose.


* * *

so as you can see, le "blog" has also undergone (underwent?) an upgrade.
an upgrade to a color scheme i like to call "puke-tastic."

if only i had some html skillz, or whatever skillz are required to make this thing look boss, i'd blow you away with my creativity. too bad i don't...but it's on the resolution 2008 list, i swear. so until i acquire said skillz, i apologize.

last night

i spent time with an old friend. arguably one of my best friends, but someone i hadn't seen in over 6 months. and at that time, i hadn't seen him in over a year. and at that time, i hadn't spoken to him in over 3 years.

i said, "it seems like forever since we were in high school"
he said, "when i'm with you, it feels like it was yesterday"

that was unsettling. i kept thinking about it the rest of the night...we talked for 6 hours straight, about everything we possibly could talk about, and that was the only thing that bothered me.

i guess it's because in my mind, i've changed. big time. i feel like the last 4 years of my life have completely transformed me.
for one, i curse like a sailor now. then there's that s.kitten thing. i also came back an alcoholic. i also came back 10 lbs heavier because i became an alcoholic.

then there are the things i stopped doing. like music. and reading. and dance.
ooh dance, that one kills me.
as much as i've let myself down by not continuing dance, i feel like i've let others around me down even more.
like my pal. he thought the sole reason I’d move back to LA would be to continue dance. in fact, he was actually sad that i hadn't kept up.

"you were at your happiest when you talked about your dance," he said. "your whole face would light up."

i remember that feeling. and how much dress rehearsals were like my drug. and it kind of bums me out that my college and post-college friends never met that me. the one who's life revolved around dance and performing arts. the one who was actually passionate about something.

i was complaining last night, because he's the only one who really listens. and i basically told him that i'm in a rut. i've come to the realization that if money is supposed to be the incentive for pushing myself and doing well in the working world, i'm not going to succeed. so we discussed my options.

one is to look for happiness and interests outside of work. this is easily found, but very difficult to keep up. i know that continuing dance would be a BIG step in the right direction. but getting the time to make rehearsals in oc, perform on weekends, and continually work out is impossible in my line of work. something would have to give. and that something would be time with friends, and definitely sleep. It might be worth it.

one is to take a detour. to step off the beaten path and try something unrelated to the corporate grind. that's easier said than done. moving to LA, and not knowing anyone has been TOUGH. much harder than i thought, and i'm a pretty social, easy-going person. if anyone can make friends, i can. i’m just having a real hard time finding them. and to pick up and move somewhere i really don't know anyone or go into a field where i have no contacts...big risk. but no risk, no reward, i guess. so if I’m still bored in a year…who knows.

one is to suck it up.

So at least I know now that I have options, and I don’t have to sit around and blame life for being ambiguously shitty. Seriously, for the last month I’ve been feeling really down, and without a clue as to why. And that’s not like me.

But then he showed up, and I talked. And even though he did a good job listening, I finally heard myself.

I’m lonely
I’m bored
It happens sometimes.

And I probably won’t see him again for another 6 months.

omfg

jan 8th.

they're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

*and season 1&2 comes out on dvd.

if you know me

and you love me

buy me this.

welcome to the good life

Day in, day out, I work. I hang out with pals. I chill at home. I've pretty much got the routine thing down.

But sometimes....sometimes I take a second to take a look at my surroundings.

And then it hits me. I live here! I live in the City of Angels. In the heart of Los Angeles.

--it hits me when i'm in the office, and I take a walk to pick up something from the printer and I see the hollywood hills roll up on my left, and the beautiful ocean to my right.

--it hits me when i drive to the store, and i cross the streets people write songs about. Hollywood; Pico; Olympic; Sunset, Wilshire.

--it hits me when i'm sprawled on the floor of my candle-lit equinox studio class, allowing "Mysty," the yoga-pilates-core master help me find my so-called inner chi.

--it hits me when i get all dressed up and go to swanky places like the Skybar and the Standard. it also hits me when i am NOT let into the swanky places.

--it hits me when most of the cars in my parking lot are bentleys, jaguars, and rolls'.

--it hits me when i eat pinkberry. everyday.

it's kind of crazy to think that people all over the country, and world even, move here everyday to make it big. Like somehow, this place is going to help them realize all their dreams. Part of me misses SF more than I can possibly explain in words. LA is pretentious. LA is smoggy. LA has a hell of a lot of traffic. LA is no San Francisco.

But part of me is excited about being an official Angeleno. I'm excited about someday telling my kids and grandkids about my young adult life in LA, and hopefully, in some way or the other, about how I made it big here too.

GPITFAD.

I'm in an "everyone can jump off a cliff" mood.
Mad at the world. Mad at myself. Out of nowhere...though it could be because i'm starting to experience what being in a rut feels like. it blows. life sucks. the end.



totally unrelated: it's the parental units' 25th anniversary today. god damn. this means:
1) i am old.
2) they are OLD.
3) they are another year closer to retirement [strangling eachother].


ok back to being pissed off. I think i'm actually going to work out and hope that the endorphins make me feel better. i miss rob & big.

i can't wait for this movie!

my, how time flies

i know, i'm lagging.
trust, i have plenty o' thoughts to share...they're just all on hold in draft-land.

work has been crazy.
life has been tumultuous.

i will be back soon.


ps. sara bareilles. love song.

le shit.

35000+ acre fire

across the street from my house

ay.